Hate to break it to ya ladies, but it looks like we’re not the only ones skilled at killer fakegasms. According to just about every best (and blunt) male friend of mine, those penises are not always locked in spurt mode. To give you some insight on why men faux cum, I interviewed an insightful, though anonymous, 26-year-old scorpio (!) male about his reasons for not messing up the sheets. Peep and learn. —xoxo Tracy (@trayhova)
WWMD: Let’s jump right in young man. Dudes are supposed to be sexual beasts, so why in the world would y’all fake an orgasm?
Anonymous Male Orgasm Faker: The one female that happened the most with… it was more about the girl than it was me. She was super emotional and sex was a huge deal to her… satisfying me was her ultimate goal.
That sounds close to great though, no?
Yeah, but as far as she saw, if I didn’t orgasm, she didn’t do her job. It just so happened that I wouldn’t always have one and times would come where we would finish and if I didn’t come, she’d get really really upset. Even to the point of crying sometimes. So as for as why I faked it… I cared about her a lot—also didn’t want to deal with all that unnecessary emotion— so i had to give her what she wanted. As a man, its “expected” that I’d cum from anything and if I don’t it looks weird. So I’d fake it kind of on general principle.
Interesante. Was she a hot girl who sucked in bed?
She was really good actually. She turned me out lol. Shit, I still miss her sometimes. So it wasn’t that there was something she wasn’t doing it’s just with me, sex is more than physical pleasure…
She hadn’t sexed your mind.
Exactly. I need my mind fucked into submission first before anything.
Ditto. Now are there other times you faked it because the sex really did suck?
Of course. With bad sex, if I’m just in there and it’s not going anywhere and I’m just there getting tired, that shit needs to get faked quick. Sometimes a girl is too inexperienced or can’t take the dick. Or she’s tired already and can’t go anymore.
But what about if the oral sex sucks?
Then I just tell her I only cum from sex. And if that sucks too then I can fake it there.
Whoa, I see you’ve got this locked down. So what should a girl do or not do to avoid being labeled a bad sex partner?
Don’t overcomplicate shit. Anybody above the age of 23 who just lays there doesn’t deserve to have sex with anyone. Moan! And one of, if not the most important thing… she cannot smell bad.
Ha! What about other positions outside missionary?
Girls can mess up on top if their grind action isn’t in some kind of a rhythm, or they are grinding too hard without adding a little bounce to it. From behind, throwing the right amount of bounce again is important. And not arching the back is a no-no. A lot of that falls on the dude to get her in position the right way, but the back has to be arched.
Agree. Now tell me, how does one have a fakegasm without the woman finding out?
Got to be quick and use your hands and paper towels to cover your shit up. Also if you’re going to fake it, you can’t just lay around and look at the ceiling. There might be some theatrics like faces and cuddling. Depends on the girl.
Well damn. Has anyone ever accused you of faking?
Surprisingly? Does that mean you think you’re a bad faker?
I can’t call it, but I’ve never been accused.
If a girl asked if you faked it, would you tell her the truth?
Considering that I did it to protect her feelings, hell no.
If you ask chick if she faked it, do you expect her to tell you the truth?
No, no, no. But I think I would be able to tell if a woman is trying to fake on me.
HUNGRY FOR MORE BLOGS? GO ON AND FEAST!
- Her Q, His A: Confessions From A Young Anti-Oral-Giving Man
- The Art (And Importance) Of A Good Mind F-ck
- Whip It Out! Confessions Of A Professional Penis Previewer