Have any of you ladies ever seen that new MTV show called “Friendzone” ? It’s basically a show where guys and girls try to maneuver their way out of being in the “friend category.” Throughout the whole show the guy or girl’s best friend helps them prep for a date only to later discover that the date was actually intended for the both of them. The end of the episode presents a moment of truth: Will the unsuspecting friend choose to crossover to lover’s lane or will they make the situation really, really uncomfortable by mentioning how awkward this is and how they’ve never had romantic feelings for their now embarrassed and platonic friend? Such a gamble right? Let’s just say that I usually feel embarrassed for these people, lol
Anywho…In most of these cases I’ve realized that the women have a fighting chance at getting the guy to venture out of the friendzone but the men… well, let’s just say I have yet to see a female who has accepted the guy’s proposal to take the friendship to the next level. It got me thinking… As a female, I know that when I say it is a friendship, trust me my friend… it is just that… a friendship but what goes on in the male mind? What makes us so different? And how am I to know if he considers me as a friend friend or a friend with the potential to be something more?
I wanted to get the honest answers from an insightful and blunt man so I hit up a friend of mine: Sir Chris Martin (24) of ItsTheRatPack.com
Shall we dive in ladies? Oh yes we shall…
WWMD: Ok. So once you’re in the Friend zone is there any chance of breaking out?
Our Guy: Yes. Guys are different from females. Most of the time, when a guy has female friends they already have intentions of, if the opportunity presents itself, seeking more out of the relationship. I mean women always say that they like having male friends but I don’t know men who would initially meet a female and have that thought process. There is usually an attraction and a motive.
What about meeting a girl for networking purposes?
He may also establish a friendship with her for networking purposes or maybe she has attractive friends but it’s never just “I want to be that girl’s friend.” I can guarantee that.
I guess that makes sense. I remember an old teacher saying that within guy/girl friendships, there’s always at least one person who has been or still is attracted to the other. When I think back on all of my male friendships, they’ve either evolved from a dating experience or at some point the guy has expressed an interest in me or vice versa.
Ok so we’ve already established that if you’re talking to her, more than likely she is a girl that you consider to be attractive. How does a cute girl transition from being a potential interest to just a friend?
When you first meet someone, you pretty much only have the physical to judge them on. Other things just start to come into play and let you know that this person isn’t compatible with you. In your mind, they’re still cool but once you hear about the boyfriend issues and the little things that urk them, it could be enough to make you take a step back and keep it in the friendship zone.
So…why not just pursue a sexual relationship with her?
Sometimes it’s not even worth jeopardizing the friendship. Sounds cliche but remembering how female emotions usually get involved, once you build a good friendship relationship with someone, it’s not even worth it.
Got it. This is for established friendships though right? Not short term acquaintance-like friendships? Just have to put that out there for the people.
Okay, so how can she tell if you guys are genuinely friends or if you’re interested?
The amount of attention you get will determine it all. Do you guys talk on the phone often? Is he willing to drop what he’s doing and help you move into your apartment or pick up something from the store? Are you able to speak to him about other guys? Does he speak to you about other girls? Some men try to put up a front but for most guys, if he’s speaking to you about other girls, he’s not interested anymore. Does he try to make a move during a moment of vulnerability. Like if you break up with your boyfriend or stop talking to someone, what is his response. Does he try to hang out with you or does he just listen to your story and offer advice? If a guy has an interest in taking it to the next level he’ll take advantage of any window of opportunity.
So drunken hook-ups… Is that an indication that he’s into you?
Sometimes alcohol is a hell of drug. And sometimes a drunken kiss is just that. For a female it could mean more but not generally men. If it were to happen and then transform into any type of relationship. It may just be an F-Buddy. You’d have to look at the rest of your relationship. You can’t just base it on that drunken kiss.
One of our readers recently wrote in with this question: “What if he introduces you as his homegirl? How should I take that?”
Haha. Then more than likely you’re just that: His homegirl. You may have history. You may have hooked up. You may have been in a relationship but if he introduces you as a homegirl, that’s pretty real. The only situation where that may be untrue is if there is some grey area and you may not have established what type of relationship this is. The guy may refer to you as his homegirl just to play it safe.
Wow. So while I do believe that men and women can be friends, this proves my theory about there usually being some initial attraction there. There’s nothing wrong with having a motive. We all have them, especially when we 1st meet someone. The subconscious thought process is usually “What can you do for me?” or “What is the purpose of including you in my life or friendship circle?” BUT when a guy approaches you, tries to get your number and then hits you with the “well we can just be friends and keep in contact,” you know that’s bull… and for the more sophisticated men, you now know why he sticks around and still offers to give you a ride places if you aren’t dating. Hmmm. Share your thoughts friends.
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PS. In case you’ve never seen the actual show… be careful with those zone switch-ups… they can be brutal!