Did you guys catch the newest episode of Love & Hip Hop on Monday? If not, you missed, what I consider to be, some of the worse relationship advice ever.On this episode, Fabolous’ ex-assistant/ friend Winter meets up with Fab’s on-again, off-again leading lady, Emily to offer her advice on the whole being with Fab vs. not being with Fab situation. Winter tells Emily that Fab is her soul mate and suggests that even though she’s been putting up with his extra girls for nine years, she should still stick around until he is ready to commit. Her main arguments:
“He’s gonna come around. You just have to be patient. The girls and that sh**, mean nothing”
“You know who he is. You’re gonna have to deal with it”
“You put up with it for 9 years.You’re gonna throw that away? To do what? Start all over again? [and deal with] the same sh**? ”
For those of you who may not watch the show, you’re missing out but here’s a quick recap: Emily is the mother of Fabolous’ child and has been with him for 9 years. Within those 9 years, tons and tons of rumors have spread about ongoing infidelity and to be honest, it’s no secret. If you’ve seen Fabolous out and about then you’ve caught him in action. It’s not something that he’s hiding.
This is exactly the type of input that makes guys often say that women shouldn’t give love advice to each other. “Stay in the relationship because you’ve already put in your time.” What kind of relationship advice is that? How about “You can do better, Emily!” or “You’re making yourself look desperate, it’s time to end this 9 year marathon of foolery…” or “Let’s build back your confidence and help you move on. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”
To combat this sad excuse for advice, I had to speak to my guy friends and ask them: “If Emily was your sister, what advice would you give her?
“Don’t ever go into a situation thinking that you can change a man. It doesn’t work like that…hardly ever!” - Adam, 25
“I think it’s about realizing the reality of who you’re dating. If you go into a certain realm or industry looking for that type of guy then you better be ready to deal with the groupies and whatever comes with the territory. You knew what it was from the beginning. Emily worked with him for years and saw his tendencies. So what? You think because he had a baby with you, he’ll change? Too many women think that they can get a man to commit by having his baby. It doesn’t work like that. Just think of any habit that you have: Biting your nails, shopping too much, etc and how hard is it to change that? So what makes you think it’ll be any easier for a man to change his lifestyle?” – Justin, 24
“Going on television didn’t help her case. Broadcasting our business to the world isn’t going to make me act differently, that’s for sure. If anything, being a guy, it’s going to make me rebel even more.” – Chace, 28
At the end of the day, a man or people in general are only going to do what you allow them to do. If you’ve let me get away with messing with other women, not bringing you on the red carpet as my date, and not claiming you then I’m going to continue doing it… if it’s what I want to do.” - Brad, 33
“Have enough respect for yourself if you know that this isn’t the type of life that you want to live. On the other hand, if you’re cool with the polygamy thing, then go for it but don’t complain about it. Don’t talk to me about you’re dilemmas if you aren’t doing anything to help yourself get out of a situation that you disagree with.” - Andre, 30
Well would you look at that, all very, very different advice from what Winter originally offered. “Deal with it?” “Who else are you gonna find?” “If you find a new man then you’ll be dealing with the same thing.” Doesn’t sound like the advice of a true friend to me. Either she’s not too savy in the relationship world or she’s more so Fab’s friend then Emily’s. Actually, that may just be it right there!
Lessons to be learned here ladies! Lessons to be learned.
My Personal Advice to Emily:
When you look back on your life 20 years from now, do you want to know that you spent most of it sad and worrying about why your man took so long to give you the respect that you deserved? Do you want to live your life in regret? Or do you want to look back on it and be proud of the fact that you respected yourself enough to peace out on a situation that was no good for you? Don’t you want to be able to look back on your life and be glad that you left this man who clearly loved you but not the way you wanted him to and now, thankfully, you’ve found new love… and it’s all that you wanted it to be (Cue Beyonce’s “Best Thing I Never Had”) You may have to date a “Jo Shmo” but at least you’ll be happy. And just because he’s not making $30,000 a show doesn’t mean he won’t be able to support you. Money only makes you happy for but so long… as you’ve noticed. You’re a living example of that Emily, but there’s room for growth.
Share your thoughts ladies and gents, do you agree with me and my boys or do you agree with Winter? We want to hear your thoughts.
Until next time,
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