Break Up Myths 101: Why You Don’t Need Him Around For Closure

Posted by By Tracy at 24 February, at 13 : 25 PM Print

Break Up Myths 101: Why You Don’t Need Him Around For Closure

Men are masters at the art of detachment. It’s an ability I’ve envied and furiously abhorred since my first relationship. Guerdley and I still aren’t quite sure if it’s an innate trait or part of male domestication. Let’s say 50/50. Either way, I swear my own female state of mind became blotched the second dry-humping flipped into wet-humping. Like the crones of society tipped an elixir down my throat to cripple me from self-preservation. Fxck them.

Through the years, I’ve become almost obsessed with creating this sort of spiritual mitosis where I’m fully aware of my ego, who’s costumed in gender code and my true self, who’s a well-balanced empress. I’m still learning how to get the hang of all that and through this fancy, non-linear explanation I’m trying to get to the point that as women— as humans—we can only control ourselves. In this life, we’re given just one steering wheel each sons. No matter how good the sex was then, how great the sexual tension is now, how hellish your heart cramps at the the thought of him, how much love or like yall once shared, no dude is obligated to give you closure. It’s quite nice to receive it yes, but we can’t let anyone control our own traffic light. As one great friend asked me some years back when I was stickity stuck on one sexy mental terrorist — why are you waiting for him to tell you to move on? I hated that question. Mainly because it wasn’t rhetorical, it involved personal and uncomfortable assessment. To keep it brief my answer had much to do with an insatiability complex, control issues, troublemaker tendencies and good ‘ol conceited girl syndrome. #judgementfreezone

I won’t flex a facade and claim I’m the greatest at finding closure on the solo tip, but I’ve learned a couple tricks with age, experience, great guyfriends, great girlfriends and smelly bullshit. As the adage goes, if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself. Peep some notes to keep in mind.

This is ridiculously vital for your livelihood my fine estrogened friends. If you’re a control freak like me then it’s best you fall in love with a pet, dance class, yoga mat, YouTube girl, whatever… just something (vs. someone) to rechannel your energy towards and to provide you with static bliss

Nah, not in a text message or booby-trapped email. Grab a pad or open up Word and scribble your thoughts out. Our minds are bottomless, don’t let your thoughts erupt in that pit. Whether it’s a list or a full-blown F U spiel, just make sure you wrap it up with why you need to move on and how you’re going to do it. Closure is personal, so remember you’re the only one who can breach this contract, so try not to fxck it up.

Platonically of course lol. Honing in on anger is probably the fastest way to get over someone, but I don’t suggest it because you’ll be teetering along man-hater lane. I beg of you gals, don’t trek down there, it’s a dark, dark place. Instead get in touch with your masculine side by hanging out with your masculine side. I love my guy friends dearly for two highlighted reasons: 1) they’re a constant reminder that angels coexist with assholes 2) they have no patience for incessant mopiness.

I love R&B artists I really do, but my are they emotional enablers. Our subconscious is so very delicate. If you want to lose weight it wouldn’t make sense to gorge on McDonald’s. So if you want to lose baggage it doesn’t make sense to have Ne-Yo’s “Do You” on repeat.

Sadly, it’s not a guarantee that these guidelines are going to instantly snap you back to your old, golden self. But at the very least I can promise that they’re all great stepping stones. The most important factor in propelling you forward has got to be just that… you. Put a muzzle on that ego, the bitch needs it.

Much x and o sons. If you’ve got more suggestions to add, build that support system down below.

T. (@trayhova)

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  1. This list is very helpful! I strongly agree with finding a new hobby. I believe change is good after breakups! Good job!

    Jasmine, 2 years ago Reply

  2. This article had me reminiscing lol…I always commit the last crime. I continuously listen to Heather Headley's "I wish I wasn't" and Tamia's "Officially missing you" but I'm going to try to stop. Keeping your tips in mind.

    Kaedyn, 2 years ago Reply

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