Lately, I’ve been having some sad conversations about the low frequency rates of us women straddling the thighs of our dudes. And this is all disappointing to me because one.) it’s the most cumtastical position of all and two.) it gives his forehead a break from making it rain on your chin. But alas, even with two solid reasons for why chicks should up their bedroom cardio, most men will forever reign as the sex MVP.
I’ve been wondering why so many women are content with just laying back and letting their legs say aah. Are we spoiled? Lazy smash partners? Is it the whole psychology of being entered vs. entering? Honesty hour with a girlfriend led to this admittance:
“I guess I just feel like I’m being judged.”
Now we’re getting somewhere. I remember that feeling… damn porn stars ruined it for us all lol. However, I firmly believe that every woman has an Ebony Ayes lurking up her skirt. Just takes the right lover and perhaps a bottle of chilled sin and a strategically placed Yankee candle to coax out.
But since I know that quick cocktail above may not be enough for us creatures of detail, I’ll do you even better. Instead of a NSFW play-by-play of what to do while hitting the stick shift, here are six girl-on-guy fouls to avoid, all cosigned by guess who? Guys. Keep them in mind and give him a run for his title.
NUMBER ONE: Don’t shy away from his eyes
“There’s nothing sexier than when a female holds my gaze while riding me. It builds the intensity and will guarantee that she’s never forgotten. I’ve had girls who refused to look at me, I think they felt embarrassed or something. It’s one thing to have your eyes closed, but don’t purposely ignore my stare.”—Jeremy, 28
NUMBER TWO: Don’t trip up the rhythm
“Don’t shake and gyrate too much and break the pattern man lol. Love feeling like she’s going to explode, but hate feeling like I’m having sex with a girl who’s about to pop. We trying to bust nuts and you’re having a seizure smh.” —Von, 27
NUMBER THREE: Don’t your dare keep that shirt on
“I used to mess with this girl who always needed me to coax off her shirt. I hated that more than anything. What’s the point of having sex if you’re not going to get fully naked? I wouldn’t want to have sex with you, if I didn’t want to see you naked. Women should always remember that. Especially if you’re on top. Every girl may not be able to make her ass clap, but your breasts can get the job done.” —Steven, 25
NUMBER FOUR: Don’t go apeshit on his chest
“This chick almost punched the wind out me. I had to gasp. I guess it was like a pound on a desk like ‘Oo this shit feels right!’ That’s not cool though. I’m fine with light scratching and an almost pound to the chest lol, but don’t play with my heart!” —Rondel, 27
NUMBER FIVE: Don’t freaking complain… less bitching, more moaning
“Men are putting in the most work 95% of the time and now you want to complain about your 5% on top? Not that I mind holding the reigns in the bedroom, but it’s nice to see a female take charge, break a sweat and not bitch about her hair getting messed up. Kills the entire mood. If you’re ready to pass back the baton, do so with grace.”—Marcus, 26
NUMBER SIX: Don’t be afraid to feel on yourself
“Dudes love to see women touch themselves. It’s as simple as that. I don’t know why, but the combination of her on top with one hand up north and the other down south… I shouldn’t even be thinking about this right now lol.”—Jason, 26
And there you have it! Meditate on the above and peace out your comfort zone. If not because change is healthy, then at least to burn off yesterday’s endless dessert. Earn the right to compare sex to exercise. You and your dude can both thank me later.
Much x and o yo,
PS: Feel free to skip Facebook and scroll down a little further to pen your truth under a pseudonym. Don’t worry, we get it, cosigning can be controversial — we’ll still love ya even if anonymously!
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