Dammit man, I love me a good wedge. But throughout all the warm, toe-cleavage months of 2011, dudes ironically revealed to me that they’re forced to bottle up their nausea when in the presence of our favorite easy-breezy heel. Weirdos.
On behalf of all egg carriers, here are the three main reasons we women bow down to these stompers: 1) We can last 24 hours in them without teetering about like a drunk secretary. 2) Legggggggs! Man, have you ever seen calves in heaven-high wedges? They deserve a new name. 3) Wedgies can give us just the right punch of edge an otherwise blah’d out getup needs. But alas, these reasons are valued at below zero when they arrive at the ears of many men. So as Spring rears it’s fine yellow ass our way, I thought I’d scoop up some players of team testosterone to speak their piece on our feet.
“I dislike them because they detract from the grace and finesse of femininity. They appear clumsy. They’re also not as nice to look at in bed.” —Alvin, 26
“I think they’re what a grandma would wear to the beach. That or Sketchers Shape Ups. The ones I hate are when the width of the heel is the width of the foot. It reminds me of the trash I went to school with lol. The wedges that get narrow at the heal are okay, but still eh. Unless there’s a fat ass attached to those legs, then she gets a pass. But that would make up for any style flaw lol.”—Stephen, 26
“They don’t make the leg look sexy like a regular high heel… they look clunky.”—Austin, 30
“They look like block shoes Frankenstein wore. Do ladies really wanna be frakenboot’n it up? It’s like a girl will wear wedges because she’s too basic to wear a heel. She can’t walk in heels, but she still wants the effect via the wedge… but the wedge aint a heel, so its cheating lol. The waffle stomper shoes are not a good look, I probably wouldn’t holler.”—Anthony, 22
“They look like toy blocks. I think they’re DISGUSTING. The end.” —LowKey, 29
“Man, those shoes are such a cop out… an ugly cop out lol. If heels make your feet hurt that much I’d rather you just throw some kicks on then. Jordans would look way better on yall feet!”—Julian, 24
Well then, looks like some fellows really needed to let that PSA roar loud and clear. We hear ya, but don’t count on a trade off anytime soon. Damn I lied. Anytime ever would be more accurate. However, I will say this… wedges can seriously slaughter an outfit. Be mighty careful when styling them around second-skin dresses or Disney Princess frocks, in my opinion that’s when it becomes all too clear that you’re dealing with a stiletto phobia. But if you love what he hates, eh, if he’s a keeper they’ll be off in no time anyway. Winkety wink.
xx to my pretty girl goons and wedge-loathing chaps,
PS: If you’re a guy who actually doesn’t mind wedges, better yet LIKES them, you better holler at that keyboard and leave a comment!
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