Oh the secrets that lurk in my Facebook inbox boy I tellya… Clicked on that little red box and found this cry for help:
“Hi love! Gotta WWMD question for ya about this situation I’m in. So I’m still dating that same dude I introduced you to some months back and we’re def into each other. But since we’ve been at it for a minute, I want the next level, I want to be wifey! Lol. But he says he can’t put a label on our relationship because he supposedly doesn’t trust women… yeah, exactly. His last chick did him really dirty so he’s kind of scorned and bitter about love. So now we’re all f*cked up. You think a guy like this can be fixed?”
I feel for chick, donchya? There’s so much quick commentary on the scorned women stat-quo, but don’t sleep: Hell also hath no fury like a man scorned, and more importantly no redemption! Chicks in general are a bit more emotionally resilient after heartbreak (again, I blame rom-coms) than our dear counterparts. Even after the standard woman has been hazed by love she’s still good to love another day. After graduating from some rights of passage of course — ya know, a redemptive hair cut, a quick (and quiet) conquest around the block, or even after some quality solo time chick is up from the K.O. Dudes… eh not so much. As the saying goes, a man only “falls” in love once. After that, he carefully steps into it (with one foot in, at that). Which of course creates daunting, emotionally bargained times for future wifey .
Optimistically speaking, a broken heart can easily be an arts n’ crafts project for the right woman. But are all damaged goods recyclable? You already know, I brought in some of my favorite, and I do mean favorite, men to answer some toughies for all my little birdies out there:
1.) What is the most common way men become scorned?
“Cheating is mad real for guys. If a guy was really into her and she cheats on him he’s crushed. Even if he doesn’t show it. Even if he was cheating on her too! This happens to a lot of dudes and they may not talk about it with anyone . It’s embarrassing when ya shorty steps out on you. Especially if he put her on a pedestal. He holds all that inside and can become a very jaded person.” –Marc, 26
2.) Most guys aren’t going to come out and admit that they are jaded, scorned, or untrusting of women and relationships. What are the most obvious signs that a chick has a scorned man on her pretty little hands?
“Somebody that searches through her phones, clocks her Facebook, is always fishy about her friends (male or female). Someone who is overall over bearing and won’t take things at face value is a scorned guy. Watch out they everywhere haha! Or if he’s the type to talk really bad about women in general, that’s a sign to pay attention to. But then again that could be immaturity… or scorn!” –Michael, 26
3.) What is the best thing a female can do to help un-scorn her guy or is that something he needs to work on alone?
“There’s nothing really she can do to help that man. That’s personal, unless she’s okay with being controlled because that’s what guys with trust issues eventually need to do. In the rare event he asks for help, she has to be ready to really ride because shit could get ugly. But if she loves him it may be rewarding. It’s really a case by case basis.” –Jachon, 30
4.) Is it safe to wife up these dudes or are they best left as PT Lovers?
“Part-time lovers I guess haha, if that’s what you want to call them. You girls are crazy haha! Yeah this dude needs a lone time. He can’t grow with you all up his face girl! He needs to be in something light. Honestly does she even want to be in a relationship and “wife” up a guy like this? Trust issues isn’t just a word — it’s a real condition that makes some men violate in crazy ways! Give this dude space so he can work on his problems before they become yours.” –Rashaad, 26
5) How much can a woman ever expect this guy to really change?
“Everybody’s different. It depends on who the person is as a human being. If this is a person that believes in human development and regularly work on themselves, they can’t let there past hinder their future. But it has to be a specific quality of that person. The kind of person that recognizes their flaws and matures from them. A lot of us men don’t trust girls because they are scorned. Other ones are just immature and grow up. But in either case it’s all up to the kind of guy he is.” –Joannes, 27
Now, now, I’m all for the teach-me-how-to-love mentality. If my guy needs it, I’ll gladly lay his head on my bosom, go on Baby tell Mama all about it (xoxo). But only if he asks for the help. If not, then the bosom stays in the Vicky. Over extending patience can easily become you coddling his trust/intimacy issues, especially if he doesn’t realize the game plan at hand. If he does go Musiq Soulchild and requests the leniency, friendly reminder that patience is a virtue. Some men can be very extremely emotionally immature, especially after being some former chick’s whipping boy. His exploration of repressed feelings can be a lengthy plight, where static, relapses, and doubtful outcomes are nonfiction. But if he’s worth it, then he’s worth it (just make sure he’s worth it). Go hard or go home alone. #YOLO
P.S. Have you ever tried to reform a hard rock? Would you recommend it? Is a guy who doesn’t trust women ever really ready for a relationship? Is waiting for a guy who is not ready to be in a relationship noble or a pathetic? Caution, sh*t’s about to get real real. Follow the fun facts at @WWMDTV or hop skip down below!
Hungry for more honesty? PEEP THE BELOW!
- 10 Things She Does That Annoy Him In The Bedroom
- Confessions Of A Cheater: 8 Reasons He Had To Do It
- Break-Up Myth 101: Why You Don’t Need Him For Closure