The Back Up Guy Theory: How to Play the Game
Posted by By Chazeen at 21 March, at 08 : 28 AM Print
For those who know me, it’s no secret that I am an avid supporter of the “Back Up Guy Theory.” Not sure if I made this up myself but listen closely because I feel as though this is something that every woman should have.
Some people may be quick to object to this recommendation but before you do, let me ask you a few questions: What happens when you break up with your boyfriend? What happens when you’re bored and just want to hang out with someone of the opposite sex? What happens when you get lonely and need some attention? Usually, in these situations you find yourself alone, sad, or in the arms of some other guy that you probably can’t stand but put up with anyway…or you find yourself with a guy who really doesn’t deserve you but since he looks good on paper and is attractive, you subconsciously feel like nothing better will come along soon anyway. Tsk tsk tsk. Is this what happens when our horny clocks kick in ladies? Don’t be victim. Keep on reading chicas…
For me, having a Back Up Guy offers me the freedom to choose wisely, while stopping to smell the roses. I’m never in a rush to speed up the dating process. I take advantage of the dating experience and it becomes a little easier for me to chill on the phone calls, the need to see him each week, etc. (Side note: It also helps to have a business. Staying busy is the best gift you can give to yourself in this challenging world called dating. If you don’t have a hobby… find one!) If I find myself tempted to curl up in bed and watch past episodes of Sex in the City with a glass of wine in one hand and a tub of ice cream in the other…I can throw those thoughts to the side because… da dada daaa! IT’S BACK UP GUY TO THE RESCUE!
Don’t feel bad for Back Up Guy. He is not being punked, nor is he oblivious to what is going on here. Back Up Guy understands that he is a back up and is completely OK with that. Oh! Don’t believe that this is possible? Let’s really think about it… A man who gets to experience the physical without any strings attached… exactly… He’s not being used. He is fulfilling most men’s dreams. My question for you is, are you ok with this just being a physical thing?
How does one select a Back Up Guy? The criteria is much easier than you think, you just need to be true to yourself and your ability to separate the emotional attachment that we females usually experience. My suggestion: Look towards your friends as favorable candidates. Every girl has or has had a friend that they love to flirt with but probably wouldn’t make their official BF. These type of relationships usually (not always) have a few years behind them. You’ve known this person for a while, and so there is a trust that has built up. There is a sense of comfort. No worries about him judging you, taking advantage of you, or playing you for a fool. Hopefully I’ve sparked something here but before you hit up your potential back up, make sure you ask yourself the following questions:
- Is there ANY possibility that I may get emotionally attached to this guy?
- If I saw him with a girl would I be jealous?
- If he saw me with a guy would it be an issue? (He may get a little jealous but if it doesn’t become an issue then there’s no problem here. Remember: men operate differently from women)
- Does he annoy me? (Kills the back up vibe if he does. I, personally, can’t do it)
- Am I attracted to him? (Yes, you can be attracted to someone without wanting to wife them)
The answers to these questions should be a “No” all around and a whopping yes for #5.
How do you keep a Back Up Guy around while you’re in a relationship? Ahh… a good question that a friend once asked me. As mentioned before, he is a friend (or friend-acquaintance if you take the friendship title very seriously). Like a true one. You guys are cool. You may go to him for advice, you chat on facebook or twitter. You hang out/ catch up from time to time via phone or at events or during your lunch break. You guys have other things in common. You don’t only link up when the physical is involved so there are things to discuss in the meantime and in between time. You can play off that…. or create that relationship but it should be natural. Like any other relationship, you shouldn’t only call on someone when you need them. That doesn’t ever work…well maybe sometimes, but let’s not take a chance here. Back Up Guys are hard to come across so when you find one, hold on to them tight and never let that relationship completely fade out… Until marriage of course.
Hope I helped prep you for one of the scariest events of the year: Uncuffing Season : o Check back in tomorrow for Guerdley’s advice on how to prep for this fearful time.
So what do you think about the Back Up Guy Theory? Think you’ll be trying it soon? Think it’s trifling? As a guy, would you be down for this? Do you have any recommendations for how a female should approach you on the Back Up tip? This should be good lol.
For conversations like this, check us out @WWMDtv
Sayonara!
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I feel like your blogs are always relevant to my life haha…my friends and I were actually talking about the importance of the back up guy. Before reading this article, I honestly did not think it was appropriate to have one but after reading this, I can see why it is a good idea to have one! Thanks for opening my eyes
Sandy, 1 year ago
I recommend every girl to get a "back up guy", guys have back ups so why can't we? The only thing is it can be difficult to not catch feelings. U thought of GREAT questions to ask yourself before you make a guy your "back up guy" lol. I will be keeping them in mind
Hillary, 1 year ago
[...] The Back-Up Guy Theory: Why Every Woman Needs One [...]
10 Secret Confessions Of A Gold-Digger, 1 year ago
Shoot! I've had mine for 2 years now! =)
Tiffany, 1 year ago
[...] The Back Up Guy Theory: Why Every Girl Needs One [...]
Summer Sex Spree: 3 Necessary Musts Of A Great Fling, 1 year ago
FUCK YOU…. really FUCK YOU!!!!!
how selfish, low-self steam, uncivilized, heartless, abusive behavior!!!
how many times I get burned by girls playing this stupid animal game on me… wasting my time and energy to dumb me in a crul way once they are done using me!!!!
can't you think wisly of just finding the right guy and stick with to get all what you want in a mature human mutal relationship!
NICE LOOSER GUY, 8 months ago
My dear. This is Chazeen speaking. These things happen. Women do it to men. Men do it to women. The more important question is how will you develop a better judgement that will keep you from falling into this continuous trap of liking people that don't respect the great person that you are? I personally like to evaluate failed attempts, figure out where I went wrong and make sure that this ish doesn't happen again. Can't remember the last time I got played actually.
I also like to lay the convo out on the table. "So what are you looking for? Anything serious? I respect those who keep it real because for all they know I may be on the same page" That's my main piece. Hope this helps sir.
With respect,
Chazeen
WWMDONLINECOM, 8 months ago
I so agree with you! As a girl, it's the other way around for me
Miralissa, 6 months ago
Congrats you just described yourself as a WHORE. I feel sorry for the decent men that come your way
Miralissa, 6 months ago
And this is what happens when people make silly commentary and forget to read a written piece.
"Don’t feel bad for Back Up Guy. He is not being punked, nor is he oblivious to what is going on here. Back Up Guy understands that he is a back up and is completely OK with that. "
Thanks for visiting lady!
- @Chazeenp
WWMDONLINECOM, 4 months ago