For those who know me, it’s no secret that I am an avid supporter of the “Back Up Guy Theory.” Not sure if I made this up myself but listen closely because I feel as though this is something that every woman should have.
Some people may be quick to object to this recommendation but before you do, let me ask you a few questions: What happens when you break up with your boyfriend? What happens when you’re bored and just want to hang out with someone of the opposite sex? What happens when you get lonely and need some attention? Usually, in these situations you find yourself alone, sad, or in the arms of some other guy that you probably can’t stand but put up with anyway…or you find yourself with a guy who really doesn’t deserve you but since he looks good on paper and is attractive, you subconsciously feel like nothing better will come along soon anyway. Tsk tsk tsk. Is this what happens when our horny clocks kick in ladies? Don’t be victim. Keep on reading chicas…
For me, having a Back Up Guy offers me the freedom to choose wisely, while stopping to smell the roses. I’m never in a rush to speed up the dating process. I take advantage of the dating experience and it becomes a little easier for me to chill on the phone calls, the need to see him each week, etc. (Side note: It also helps to have a business. Staying busy is the best gift you can give to yourself in this challenging world called dating. If you don’t have a hobby… find one!) If I find myself tempted to curl up in bed and watch past episodes of Sex in the City with a glass of wine in one hand and a tub of ice cream in the other…I can throw those thoughts to the side because… da dada daaa! IT’S BACK UP GUY TO THE RESCUE!
Don’t feel bad for Back Up Guy. He is not being punked, nor is he oblivious to what is going on here. Back Up Guy understands that he is a back up and is completely OK with that. Oh! Don’t believe that this is possible? Let’s really think about it… A man who gets to experience the physical without any strings attached… exactly… He’s not being used. He is fulfilling most men’s dreams. My question for you is, are you ok with this just being a physical thing?
How does one select a Back Up Guy? The criteria is much easier than you think, you just need to be true to yourself and your ability to separate the emotional attachment that we females usually experience. My suggestion: Look towards your friends as favorable candidates. Every girl has or has had a friend that they love to flirt with but probably wouldn’t make their official BF. These type of relationships usually (not always) have a few years behind them. You’ve known this person for a while, and so there is a trust that has built up. There is a sense of comfort. No worries about him judging you, taking advantage of you, or playing you for a fool. Hopefully I’ve sparked something here but before you hit up your potential back up, make sure you ask yourself the following questions:
- Is there ANY possibility that I may get emotionally attached to this guy?
- If I saw him with a girl would I be jealous?
- If he saw me with a guy would it be an issue? (He may get a little jealous but if it doesn’t become an issue then there’s no problem here. Remember: men operate differently from women)
- Does he annoy me? (Kills the back up vibe if he does. I, personally, can’t do it)
- Am I attracted to him? (Yes, you can be attracted to someone without wanting to wife them)
The answers to these questions should be a “No” all around and a whopping yes for #5.
How do you keep a Back Up Guy around while you’re in a relationship? Ahh… a good question that a friend once asked me. As mentioned before, he is a friend (or friend-acquaintance if you take the friendship title very seriously). Like a true one. You guys are cool. You may go to him for advice, you chat on facebook or twitter. You hang out/ catch up from time to time via phone or at events or during your lunch break. You guys have other things in common. You don’t only link up when the physical is involved so there are things to discuss in the meantime and in between time. You can play off that…. or create that relationship but it should be natural. Like any other relationship, you shouldn’t only call on someone when you need them. That doesn’t ever work…well maybe sometimes, but let’s not take a chance here. Back Up Guys are hard to come across so when you find one, hold on to them tight and never let that relationship completely fade out… Until marriage of course.
Hope I helped prep you for one of the scariest events of the year: Uncuffing Season : o Check back in tomorrow for Guerdley’s advice on how to prep for this fearful time.
So what do you think about the Back Up Guy Theory? Think you’ll be trying it soon? Think it’s trifling? As a guy, would you be down for this? Do you have any recommendations for how a female should approach you on the Back Up tip? This should be good lol.
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