Warning: So Chazeen tells me I used this blog as an opp to mildly vent about these two, lol. Feel free to jump to the list if that better suits your needs, pimp.
I love an in-love Kanye or even a pretend-in-love Kanye—same results different shit. When Yeezy’s armored in enamor, he shaves, he smiles, he re-buries autotune, kills the kilts. It’s all pure wonderfulness from my humble macbook view (though I really don’t mind the kilts, but more on that later). And seeing Ye drunk off cupid’s elixir reminds me that he’s one of two rappers I’d consider penciling an unprofessional meeting with. But that’s off topic, ain’t it? Shh…
Let’s move on to Kim Kardashian.
During Guerdley’s birthday brunch last Sunday someone wished an impossible wish: that Kimmy and Kompany be exiled from pop culture relevance. Yep, you guessed right, I cut my homegirl off pre-punctuation in defense of the Kardashian name. “Yeah, yeah, no talent whore, blah F her blah,” such a predictable and soon archaic sentiment. First of all, yall already know how I feel about folks and dudes in particular who pelt this woman with hoe calls, that’s an old blog. Moving right along. Si, Kim’s not “talented,” but she reminds me that success isn’t preserved for singers, actors, and *insert other “talent” here* because this is the K-Dash blueprint: 1.) find what’s extraordinary about yourself 2.) strategize how to market the hell out of that. In Kim’s case, she happens to be extraordinarily beautiful. And guess what? That’s a damn solid prereq at Kanyeversity.
Here come the brides! Spritz the air with Chanel No. 5, Kim Keezy has arrived!
This twosome are pretty much gold-coated blog fodder dropped from the storks of narcissism. Which sounds like the most caloric guilty pleasure known to human kind, which also sorta sounds ridiculously awesome. I dig it. Why? Because these kids make for hearty built-in edutainment, plus a slew of other things in my current G-chat with Guerdonce. So in no particular order, I’ve plucked 10 nuggets from the hand-holding antics of team Kandashian that we can all apply to our not-so-fancy private lives—well, if you so choose. Forward march!
ONE: Don’t be afraid to hop into a relationship with the person you got caught cheating on your ex with, especially if they’re over you and your over them. Bonus points if you truly believe your new chick makes your old chick look like Precious.
TWO: Publicly proclaim your love so she knows it’s real. Yeezy chose a song, you can choose a Facebook status.
THREE: Publicly threaten her ex so she knows it’s realer.
FOUR: It’s quite alright if everyone’s seen her vagina and/or his penis. Love strives in a judgement free zone.
FIVE: Opposites attract isn’t always the motto. The power of Kim Keezy lies in their shared passions: runways, ostentatious living, vanity, flashing lights, leather pants, blackness. Plenty of good suppertime talk.
SIX: Wearing his initials in your ear is much safer than wearing his initials on your flesh.
SEVEN: There’s jackpot benefits to smushing a dude who rocks kilts. Well-traveled, deconditioned, easy access. Just lift and go.
EIGHT: Show your damn teeth for family photos! And lean in, not out. Body language is err’thang.
NINE: Public displays of e-ffection, esssspecially corny ones, will make others vomit on their keypads. Ex 1. @KimKardashian U need some Theraflu? RT @lala: Sick as a dog Ex 2: Instagramming matching Jordans. Apologies to those who just threw up in their mouths a little.
TEN: Very few women respond negatively to an ice cream cone and city walk.
And there you have it! It’s only been a few weeks, but the lessons are plenty. So tell me, are you now more interested in the summer shenanigans of Kim and Kanye? Or are you like Chaz and G who hate their coupledom and as a result now hate me? Don’t taze me bro!
Shoot your thoughts below or blast off @WWMDtv.
Peace, happiness and love,
HUNGRY FOR MORE?
- Why I Don’t Date Dudes Who Slander Kim Kardashian
- Friends With (Revoked) Benefits: 5 Ways To Put An F-Bud Back In The Friend
- Dirty Pic Etiquette: Is It Too Soon To Press Send?