Oh Cuffin Season… They don’t understand you like I do. This season often gets a bad rep with the folks who are hit by an unforeseen temporary cuff. I understand how it becomes a fearful situation that many women, and some men, despise but what if I were to tell you gals that there is such a thing as a successful cuffing season experience? And that it isn’t something that you have to run for cover from? Don’t give me the side eye people. I just wrapped up the best cuffing experience of my life! So, I felt it was my duty to share. Step into my world. I’ve got a story to tell you…
I met him on one of those group trips to the beach. You know a bunch of friends, and friends of friends and additional friends that just happen to have a cute friend who you find yourself eying for majority of the trip. Yea that cute friend was him. Tall, dark and muscular. Yum! I’m a sucker for chocolate. Between that and my love for his muscles, I was smitten… and to think that I almost didn’t go on this trip. Big SMH. Anywho. Flash forward. Before I knew it, we were on our first date, and then on to the talk every night/ hang out every week tip.
He was a good catch. Great personality, witty, smart, and…he gave me piggyback rides! (guilty pleasure). I liked him. I liked him a lot but soon time played it’s role and we ultimately realized that a relationship wasn’t really the best route for the two of us to take. What some would perceive as a few minor issues, soon became major issues for us. First it started with a few arguments—nothing crazy (definitely not yelling), but neither of us were really used to that. I’ve never had to do the back-and-forth with a guy and apparently he rarely bumped into disagreements with past dates. Next came the personality clashes. Though we complimented each other in plenty of areas, our sense of humors tended to offend each other. At the end of the day, we dug each other, but our overall compatibility just wasn’t as tight as we originally thought. Nonetheless, I respected him for noting that (as did I) and being able to bring it to the table for discussion.
So dang! What to do when you enjoy spending time with someone but know that it probably won’t transition into a successful relationship? There are usually two options:
A: Enter a relationship anyway. Usual logic… “No one’s perfect and disagreements and differences are natural” (I don’t believe in that ish. If there are disagreements before you get into a relationship, it can only get worse. The beginning of the relationship should be the honeymoon stage)
B: Cut if off and call it a day. For the guy, it’s usually too much of a liability to try and make it a casual sex thing. She’s already emotionally connected and this is how those transitions into psycho/ stalker/drama mode usually go down. But what happens when the girl suggests it and genuinely means it? hmm…
SIDE NOTE: Ladies, before making a move like this you must be sure that you are emotionally equipped to handle an informal open relationship. What if you see him flirting with another girl? What if he stops taking the extra mile to do those nice things for you? Can you handle that? If the answer to this question is yes then you can proceed to my next step which was…
Me: “How about we just keep it casual?”
Him: “Are you sure? Well what does casual entail?”
To be honest, I didn’t really have an answer for that. So… we laid out some ground rules:
- We were allowed to date other people but promised to let each other know if it should become physical (safety reasons)
- Daily phone convos and weekly meet ups were limited to occasional calls/ texts (still a few times a week) and timely meet ups depending on our schedules. We kept it spur of the moment. Kept it fun!
- We agreed to keep this between the two of us. When others get involved it just becomes sticky and annoying to have others involved in your biz when it’s not that serious to begin with. Also, we couldn’t mess up each other’s game! The agreement was that we could date other folks.
- We set a date for the “Uncuff.” End of May, just in time for the summer when dating opportunities are infinite (deadly for those who don’t have a strong relationship).
Was the conversation awkward? Absolutely but I don’t regret it one bit. From there on it was good times! Confidently knowing that we had a mutual understanding allowed us to chill out and still do fun relationship-like things without the fear of thinking that the other person would get attached. We still did the date thing (dinner, bowling, partying together). He still sent me flowers on Valentines Day and I still took him out for his Bday. We were cool with sleepovers. There was no need to limit the time that we stayed over. I will say this: My breakfasts in bed did stop. Dang I miss those but hey it’s was a tradeoff. And the bedtime fun was groovy and grand. To sum it up, we were able to have our cake and eating it too (pause).
It lasted about 8 months and on the last day we took it to the strip club! It was my bday weekend and before I quit the strip clubs (I’m not a feen, just not my cup of tea.lol) he made one of my last requests come true. I always wanted to go with a guy to just chill out and not worry about everyone watching me. I’m the good girl of the group so all shocked eyes are usually on me if I ever decide to venture outside of that character. Drunken debauchery and a good rendezvous. Couldn’t have ended in a better way… in the morning, we parted ways.
Yes. I was a little sad. I had gotten used to hanging out with this guy. We became friends. Hey! What if I were to ever see him with another girl? Could I handle it? I had no answers but I also had no choice. It didn’t make sense to go back on our deal. Plus I was dealing with a guy here, once their minds are made up, it’s a done deal. lol. It wouldn’t make sense to pursue something that did not have potential to grow but it was a good run and I’d do it again! With the right guy of course. I don’t believe that women are able to easily maintain casual relationships (Relationships plural). We may get away with a few life experiences but not all are as successful. I’ve landed myself in a few traps skewed by an emotional whirled wind
Cuffing season you did me well and for that I thank you and defend you brother. If two people can agree on the terms and confidentially agree to not try and make the relationship more than it is, I say go for it!
PS. Did we ever re-cuff? Not as of yet. Stay tuned for the next chapter
P.S.S. I only publish dating stories that I get permission to post. Many thanks to the lovely sir that gave me the ok to post this bad boy!
So…What are your feelings on Cuffing Season? Have I changed your mind. Do you have a story of your own to share? Let us know!
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