Being in touch with your emotions is great. Being in touch with your emotional, wild mongoose of an ego is not so great.
Many of us have a Miss Hyde skulking beneath our skin ready to wave the ratcheterican flag high in the name of cheap vengeance. Hello, Hyde, how art thou? Friends, promise me, yourself, that you’ll only look at the b-tch and never touch. Moooost especially when it comes to the politics of love and lust, because if there’s anything worse than her lowness showing face during your relationship, it’s her showing face during your post-relationship. You know, like Tameka Time-To-Revert-Back-To-Foster Raymond.
This week Usher‘s ex-wife gifted the blogs with some tasty fodder when video was released of Ursh reaching for some courtroom Kleenex while detailing his latest fairy fail run-in with the mother of his children. Their time together, although short, included some pretty edutataining antics from Tameka’s end including, but not limited to:
- hitting her ex
- spitting at her ex’s new darling
- physically attacking her ex’s new darling
- threatening the well-being of her ex’s new darling
- throwing a plate full of delicious food at her ex’s moving vehicle
Goodness sheesh, someone’s endorphin levels need a bolster!
Now I can’t say I was completely smh’d out, because about a year and a half ago, I interviewed Tameka during her tamer days though it was pretty evident that her Miss Hyde was quietly nibbling on something bitter. But evidently that nibble has turned into a savage gobble ticked by what I’d guess to be a combo of unresolved closure, old-fashioned envy, and some other beneath the ‘net drama TMZ’s currently hounding down.
Now in an attempt to save any potential Tameka-in-the-makings from exercising severely poor ex etiquette, (prevention plan > damage control, sons) I’ve done you the favor of listing five symptoms of a tempestuous tipping point in the near distance. Recognize the signs yo and dodge the storm.
1.) You E-Stalk Him On The Daily
Seems harmless at first, a little check up here, a little f-ck were you doing this weekend snooping there, but this is really a half-assed version of letting go. Like a recovering alcoholic who insists on visiting his favorite bar just to gaze up at the liquor bottles. This habit will most certainly lead to subconscious glorification and guess what else? Obsession. Woo, what a word. I’ve most definitely been guilty of this in the past and it can take painful self-discipline, but remind yourself to be the stalker of your own damn life. Scrolling his Twitter feed everyday for subliminal messages is not a high-paying gig mi ladies.
2.) You E-Stalk His New Gal On The Daily
See above, multiply danger level by 10.
3.) You Mainly Refer To Him As “That *Insert Emasculating Expletive*”
If behind closed doors you keep titling ol boy with an emasculating moniker, it’s only going to make it that much easier for an audible b-tch bomb to drop when he’s in sight. Plus, how can you ever allow someone to grow out of being an a-hole, if you can’t stop referring to them as such?
4.) You Secretly Wish Your Son Didn’t Look Like Him
Me and Guerdley have always theorized that the louder a young mother barks at her blameless lil rascal in public, the higher chance it’s because she actually abhors the father. A state of mind that can only get worse as the tot starts to grow his inches. Seek relief immediately.
5.) You Shudder A Bit When You Meet Someone With His Name Or Astrological Sign
A mighty sign of traumatization right here because it means this old flame made such a negative impact that it now automatically stains potentially dope suitors with coincidental facets. So if your shuddering at newbies, then that only means the oldie can make you feel worse. Complete that healing process, sonshine.
Now that we’re aware of how our bad habits can pirouette into an ex explosion, we can go ahead and diffuse that ticking time bomb. Hooray!! Couldn’t have done it without ya Tameka!
Much x and o my dazzling troublemakers,
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