Gaydar Denied: Ladies, Just Because He __________ Doesn’t Mean He’s Gay

Posted by By Guerdley at 14 June, at 12 : 01 PM Print

I won’t lie, initially I thought it was kind of hot when he took us to a resturaunt that had a sexual innuedo drink menu. House Specials: “F-Me Dirty”, “I’m F’ing You Tonight”, etc. filth, etc., filth, good times. Anyways I don’t recall what I ordered (conveniently, bwaha!) but I do remember issuing a muscular straight face when Mr. Date ordered the “Please Bend Me Over”. No pause, this happened. It threw me off a bit: Huh? Is this a request? Maybe it’s just a verbal fumble? To this day I still don’t know what to make of that moment but the uncertainty caused my gaydar to join us for dinner that night. Strong.

Yes, I admit it my female gaydar can be overly sensitive at times, as for a lot of other women. We can easily have a gaydar-activation-now moment for lesser causes, like for ordering a “girly” drink such as an Apple Martini! Two co-hosts of mine (*cough, cough* Front Street) actually gave a close male friend of ours a mean side eye as he tried to rationalize his way out of that one. Ha!

Or what about if he’s anti-oral? I know a slew of women that would wave the flag for that one. Or what about when you meet a nice guy: Well-groomed. Intelligent. Intuitive. Respectfully sensitive. His fashion sense isn’t too shabby either. It’s only a matter of time before a woman or you yourself set the whisper loose, “Is he gay?” And don’t let him be sexy. Especially if he’s sexy, you’re definitely issuing a matter of public concern. Why do we do this? Because what if you want to pounce? In that timely event you need verified access (sorry, female chauvenistic pig moment, I digress…) So yeah, we ask. We kinda have to. Plus, in the greater scheme of things, no chick wants to be the chick that married the gay guy. Not cool. Word to down-low broism.

I think I can confidently say (yeah, yeah oxymoron, blah,blah) all women regularly call into question a man’s heterosexuality and it’s sparked by qualities both grand and small. Quite frankly some of these sparks are outright uncalled for, from what I’ve gathered.  Now I’m never one to call into question the divine mechanism that is female intuition (Fun Fact: Biologically when ovulating women have a magnetism toward fertilizers, or those willing to fertilize their eggs) but what IF maybe, just maybe ladies our gaydar could have some bugs in need of a troubleshoot?

These guys are ready to put money on it. Furthermore, they don’t particularly appreciate the inquiry! Nothing against the designation, simply because no one likes to be mislabeled. So yes, without further ado, here are six quite manly behaviors (as a matter of fact) ladies, that your gaydar is misreading… Arguably.

1. Just Because He Has A Good Friendship With A Man That Is Gay

“So my homeboy is like flamboyantly gay, he’s a clothes designer, kind of a diva all that. Anyways, that’s my dude! We joke all the time, I make gay jokes, he cracks straight jokes, we’re both just comfortable with ourselves ya know? I have other guy friends that can’t be cool with him like that. Idk maybe they don’t want people to think they’re gay too. But that’s crazy. What do my friends have to do with my sexuality?” –Marc, 26

2. Just Because He Gets His Eyebrows, Manis, and Pedis Done

“I have ugly man hands. So I get manicures just to keep my hands presentable you know? I mean I don’t get designs and stuff, I just get clear so my nails aren’t in peoples faces looking yellow. It’s just makes you feel cleaner. I think the same goes for guys that do all that other extra grooming like pedis and eyebrows, same thing. If a girl has a problem with that maybe she’s not on top of her own hygiene and feels threatened.”–Vander, 26

3. Just Because He’s Bi-Sexual Or Has Experimented In The Past

“Just because I’m bisexual doesn’t mean I’m having sex with everybody. I couldn’t be faithful or monogamous to a woman right now, because I’m not ready to be monogamous, not because I’m bisexual. All that means is that I can appreciate both genders. I’m still capable of being monogamous to one. If I decided to marry a woman at the end of the day, it’s me and her until we decide otherwise.” –Bobby, 26

4. Just Because He’s Not A Sexual Rough Neck (you little freak)

“Like a guy can’t be a gentleman and not be “aggressive”? He can’t treat you with respect? Thirstiness and aggression walk a fine line. I had a girl straight up think I was gay, smdh, just because I wasn’t trying to yolk her up and give her some raw dog sh*t. Sorry my mom raised me right.” –Sean, 31

5. Just Because He Has A Healthy Bromance With His Bro

“Well I wouldn’t call it a bromance, but I like to spend time with my friends. They don’t nag! If that makes me gay, then hey! Girls always feel challenged when guys like to do things that aren’t centered around them.” –Mike, 21

6. Just Because He Entertains A Little Back Door Action

“Back there is the male G-Spot, seriously it creates a greater orgasm. That’s why a lot of guys cheat, because their girls can’t really wrap their minds around certain sexual preferences without getting all worried. It’s literally just a different type of stimulation.” –Anonymous, 28

So what we have learned today? That a man should be able to enjoy his 5 o’clock pedi + mani in peace! Seriously though ladies a sensitive siren on your gaydar meter could be problematic. Such is the case for the writer: I for one lose the flame once my gaydar evaluation is processing, which means a lot perfectly good bachelors were type casted out of the For The Love Of Guerdley selection process without due cause, and for that I apologize. Realistically though, there is no one particular behavior or quality that authorizes anyone to jump the gun and assume. Plus, I can only imagine: balancing the weights of alpha-male archetypes 24-hours a day must be exhausting. So fellas simply because you’ve earned it, here it is: the benefit of the doubt.

You got it ladies? Ha! Are you not edutained? Having a hard time believing these men? Can’t lie, I’m grappling in areas too! As always send us your truest @wwmdtv

As Always –Great Times,
@_guerdley

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