If you’ve ever lived in New York City you may have heard one of the following female complaints: “Dating in NY is hard!” “There’s no good men!” “Men out here aren’t even cute but they think you owe them the world” (This mention is usually from out of towners. As an out of towner I must agree. When Guerdley and I moved to NYC we both expected to be greeted by the men of Destiney’s Child’s Soldier Video. Not the case. AT ALL : / ).
Although I’m not from NYC (I’m from Rhode Island baby!) I’ve never seriously dated in that glorious state and so I have nothing to compare my NY experiences to. The few experiences that I have had in Rhode Island seem to match up to my NYC observations just the same and so complaint 1 and 2, above have never been uttered from my mouth. Nonetheless, there is a serious female concern here and so I felt the need to share one man’s thoughts on why the big city corrupts single men. Let’s give it up for our pal Mr. Slim Jackson from Single Black Male as he tells us why he thinks NYC men have gotten lazy and who’s to blame for it (SPOILER ALERT: He says us women… Don’t hate him… He just may be right). Take a read ladies. It isn’t everyday a man pours out his opinions for us (Oh wait this does happen everyday in WWMD land. Don’t ya just love us!) Read on!
Women make it easy for single black men in big cities like New York. I can tell you this because I spent five years living in Boston, a much smaller city,where I had to claw and wit my way to a phone number and a first date. It required actual work. The pickings were slimmer (no pun). And the women that were available flaunted advanced degrees, confidence, and an exceptionally high self-worth. Boston forced me to question a lot about my approach to chicks and, at times, even my looks. The women there were interested in whatever they perceived to be the best of the best. It took more than a fresh shave and an edge up to show you wanted something that lasted longer than a night.
I had to step my game up if I wanted to have a second, third, or forth conversation with a woman that peaked my interest. The margin for error was low. The cost of poor follow-through was high.
Then I moved to New York and things changed. As soon as I arrived with a single status, six feet of height, and a complexion that didn’t scare white people in elevators, things got easier — MUCH easier. One night out in the city resulted in more interest and phone numbers than I’d gotten in my last three years living in Beantown.
It’s ironic. People think big city equals more people, which equals more opportunity, which can equal more competition. But as a man moving to New York, it meant less competition and the opening of doors — amongst others things — that I didn’t even know existed.
I got phone numbers without asking. I met women that intentionally asked every question under the sun except the ones that mattered. And even if I lost the interest of one, there was always an easy second option even if it meant I had to go out the same night.
And with that, my attitude, approach, and “win” percentage changed inversely with the size of my apartment. Losses became wins. Aesthetic 10s became deficient 6s. My doubts turned into entitlement. The question of “what do I need to do to get a good woman” turned into “is this all I have to do to get a good woman?” Working for it became simping. Calling became texting. Conversation with one became missed opportunity with the easier options — well, sometimes.
It got to a point that I decided if I wanted something serious, I’d look out of state. That’s where I’d find mystery, intrigue, and something I had to work for. In the mean time, why would I buy the proverbial cow when I could get the whole farm for free? I’m not saying the attitude was right, but that’s how I thought.
New York wasn’t only the greatest city in the world, it was also the most toxic to my character.
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Makes a lot of sense to me. However you know why we act like this right? The ratio of men to women… The ration of attractive men to attractive women or qualified men to women has to be considered. NYC state of mind is all about, if you see something that you like then you go get it. Hustler mentality. So what is the next step ladies? We could amp up our game but then what does that mean for the competition? Will we slowly fade to bottom of the pick if we choose to be the more challenging option? Will we get labeled as the b*tches of the bunch? Here’s my theory: I take the whole Mary J Blige “Take Me as I am Approach.” Someone out there is gonna love me for me and for the others who can’t… well then there isn’t much need for us to talk, now is there?
Standards are always key and if it doesn’t work out with a guy, he’ll at least respect you (Story of my life with a some of my male friends. lol). Hope you enjoyed! Share your thoughts ladies… does the man above make sense? So ladies, what do you think the next step is? Share your opinions!
Thanky! (So tempted to use Guerdley’s “Besos” saying, but I’ll let the temptation burn lol)