The Big FYI: Why Breakups Are—Wait For It—Tougher On Him Than Her

Posted by By Tracy at 28 September, at 10 : 53 AM Print

The Big FYI: Why Breakups Are—Wait For It—Tougher On Him Than Her

So yesterday I stole this month’s Glamour from the egg donation clinic (more on that in October) and was highly edutained by a feature spotlighting “science-proven relationship news that just might blow your mind.” Lotsa great fodder for those loud dating debates that often happen when 20-something opposite sexes drink too much in intimate spaces. Anyways, the first one that caught me eye was this hell of a declaration: Breakups are tougher for men than women. Notice the absence of a question mark. Note the explanation below:

“Thanks to a neurochemical called vasopresin, men in crisis are more likely to see other man as less approachable, but that same chemical cues women to see other women as more approachable. This is called tend-and-befriend behavior, and it means that while you’re being soothed by your girls (who are probably saying that you’re gorgeous, and that your ex is a dick), the guy is dealing alone—and having a harder time of it.”

Well, well, looks like thickly knotted male camaraderie does have it’s loose ends. Aww, this point makes sense. Often when a man feels sharp pain triggered by a woman, his emotions are coated in false effeminacy, a state of mind he wouldn’t quite feel comfortable sharing with his machismo crew. Chicks on the other hand already know the deal about their fellow emotional creatures and instinctively cross into maternal patcher-upper once relationships decay. This also supports my personal rule of not dating dudes without close female friends. I need to know there’s someone who’s been helping foster your emotional pliancy outside this like-lust-love thing, big daddy.

Here’s another game changer:

“[Men] regard their lover as ‘home.’ So a man doesn’t lose the woman he loved; he becomes emotionally homeless. No wonder guys can suffer more sever health consequences than women after a split: Studies have shown that divorced men have lower immune function than married men do, and they’re statistically more likely to be hospitalized or even die earlier (yikes!) than divorced women.”

Don’t you just love when science comes showering down and shuts sh*t dowwwn? The art of perspective is enlightening and though I already know men can be rather sensitive beings, reading all the above makes me want to hug a man a day! Though I first kind of want to scream ‘See, yall are the crazy ones!’ but in fact that would make me look crazy. Not that any of us should be feeding our inner misandristic beast the ball skin of emo men (that’s really not nice), but rarely are women ever viewed as resilient when it comes to break ups. We’re usually seen as the ones mixing spoonfuls of tears into a waffle bowl of Cold Stone, while ol boy gives his new, nameless girl a spoonful of semen. Me and the Guerds have often theorized that though women are the more emotional sex, men are certainly more fragile. And now we got that big padow dap from physiology! Who gon stop us, who gon stop us, haaaaah??

Not that we’re celebrating anything of course…

In conclusion, I wanna veer off a bit… whether you’re rocking tatas or testicles, break ups f-cking suck and that’s just the facts no matter what your get-over-it mechanism may be. But from dealing with three different levels of heartbreak this year, let me tell you, tapping into multiple dimensions of perspective and awareness is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Be kind to these sulking bachelors, gals, no emasculation allowed!

Much x and o,


Tweet me a hello! @trayhova | @wwmdtv


Share on Twitter




  1. [...] reading at WWMD…) linkwithin_text='Related Posts:' [...]

    VIBE Vixen Why Breakups Are Tougher on Him Than Her » VIBE Vixen, 2 years ago Reply

  2. Granted there were some very valid points made here, I don't think you hit the nail on the head with your conclusion (or assumption) that men are the crazy/sensitive ones. From your post it just states that men have a much different way of dealing with emotional traumas that women. While women have a support group that'll ensure she doesn't sit at home all day, men lack this crucial and clearly necessary support.

    All things being even, take away the support system from women and it completely changes the outcome of how they cope. I believe that what is illustrated here is not that the "thickly knotted male camaraderie does have it’s loose ends" it actually describes the boundaries that most of these circles (or crews) have. And since men are some what 'protective' of how they express their feelings, most wouldn't go into their circle and complain or cry about the situation. They would probably partake in binge drinking and develop a depression (due to the lack of motivation and support) which will most likely result in a negative out pour of those feelings, hence the dying sooner, being hospitalized, etc.

    All in all… your point can be used to boast the female bravery and willingness to confront emotional trauma with others. And yes, guys with female friends tend to have a better support system (which ends up, on some cases, becoming relationships because women are attracted to the softer side of guys once exposed). Might be a win-win for some. Just my thoughts

    Mr. T, 1 year ago Reply

Post Your Comment

Subscribe Here Luvs!