Tracy
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29 February 2012 at 02 : 20 AM
The Big FYI: Why So Many Men Despise Our Wedges
Dammit man, I love me a good wedge. But throughout all the warm, toe-cleavage months of 2011, dudes ironically revealed to me that they’re forced to bottle up their nausea when in the presence of our favorite easy-breezy heel. Weirdos. On behalf of all egg carriers, here are the three main reasons we women bow [...]
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24 February 2012 at 13 : 25 PM
Break Up Myths 101: Why You Don’t Need Him Around For Closure
Men are masters at the art of detachment. It’s an ability I’ve envied and furiously abhorred since my first relationship. Guerdley and I still aren’t quite sure if it’s an innate trait or part of male domestication. Let’s say 50/50. Either way, I swear my own female state of mind became blotched the second dry-humping [...]
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17 February 2012 at 14 : 47 PM
His Lil’ Rihanna: Why So Many Men Like Their Women Crazy
I’ve got a limbo low tolerance for Chris Brown. For some reason his energy has always made me feel like in some past life he smushed my face into a sandbox. Si, I know, extremely personal, lol. Monstrous performer though, that kid. Anyways, you can probably imagine the sentiments I roared back in 2009 when [...]
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10 February 2012 at 11 : 53 AM
5 Ways Chicks F Up Their Man’s Valentine’s Day
While single ladies all over the western hemisphere side-eye cupid for poking them with vacancy on February 14th, unattached dudes rejoice for their 24-hour blessing. Why? Because way too freaking often women are guilty of paralleling Valentine’s Day with He Better Make It Rain On Me Day. In other words, the apex of Conceited Girl [...]
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3 February 2012 at 12 : 28 PM
Girl On Guy Action: 6 Cowgirl Moves He Never Wants To See
Lately, I’ve been having some sad conversations about the low frequency rates of us women straddling the thighs of our dudes. And this is all disappointing to me because one.) it’s the most cumtastical position of all and two.) it gives his forehead a break from making it rain on your chin. But alas, even [...]
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25 January 2012 at 14 : 05 PM
Ready For This Jelly: 7 Reasons He Doesn’t Mind A Lil Cellulite
If mirrors could speak, I’d slap mine with a muzzle. The amount of times it has watched me check out my naked ass is pretty damn shameful. But hey, I needs to know the talk of my walk when it comes to inflation, jiggle room, and of course the damn c-word. Ah, cellulite don’t we [...]
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20 January 2012 at 07 : 36 AM
I Suck: Confessions From Gals Who Genuinely Enjoy The Art Of Going Down
When you’re rolling with a batch of blunt girlfriends, it becomes increasingly important to peek over your shoulders before signing on to Gmail. Example en route… Last week, one of the few pseudo angels in my crew shot over a mass message with the following brow-raiser pinned to it: “Do you guys actually like giving head, [...]
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13 January 2012 at 07 : 51 AM
Why A Nipple Ring Was The Best Gift To Myself
There’s letdown. There’s bliss. And then there’s this ugly, yet somehow consensual, physically terrorizing, though oddly moist, please-I’m-begging-you-to-fucking-cum in between. In 2009 I allowed a dude I was lightly dating—we’ll call him Disgusto— to serve me up with far too many minutes of the latter. Yep, I as in Tracy Garraud, aspiring shero, assassin of [...]
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6 January 2012 at 13 : 42 PM
When Leggings Go Terribly Wrong: A Man’s Disturbed Point of View
Leggings aren’t always a girl’s best bitch. Sometime’s those go-to bodyhuggers are just sneaky little foes ready to cackle at your thighs’ demise. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing better than having twelve minutes to get Bey’d up, raping your closet for an outfit, spotting a pair of ebony tighties and breathing a heavy [...]
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30 December 2011 at 12 : 03 PM
Is It Ever a Good Idea To Get A Lover’s Name Tatted?
I’ve always said that I’d get the date of my wedding tatted on me. Not so much as a mark of unremovable love, but a reminder that someone actually adored me to the point of attempting infinite monogamy with me. And if divorce were to strike? That tattoo would come even handier as a prompt [...]
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